it's all worth it

life holds so many secrets we always desire or dread to know.sometimes the secrets are revealed right in front of us, though at no time we wish for them.sometimes the secrets are long kept that they become mysteries to us.but,life is indeed a mystery.it is fascinating to unveil the unknowns one by one.it is also terrifying.i've learnt, however hard you try to break open a secret, no matter how much force you put on it,if it's not meant to reveal itself, it shall not then.why?it's all the matter of time.we're ruled by Allah, we are.whenever Allah deems appropriate, He shall show it to us.as simple as that.so,patience is the key.

have you ever had a very strong desire to do something,and everybody around you are totally against it?

you want to do it so badly,hoping that doing so will not leave you feeling regret in future?

you want it because you feel it is the right thing to do, though people keep saying you're being stupid?

you don't care for the consequences,be it happy of sad, at least you actually know how the ending is?

when you do not do it,you don't know what twists and turns life will give you.you may get good twist.you may also get deadly twist.depends on what Allah has prepared for us.whatever it is,just do it,you never know what awaits ahead.

the recent trip took unexpected turns.never once in my mind i dared to think of what i'd gone through then.to gamble my heart,pride and safety for what i deemed right sort of paid off.the people were extremely nice,i couldn't ask for better people to be with.the feelings were mixed,but to have them around lightened the gloomy days.

thank you makcik and pakcik for having me in the house.to share with me how you raised six successful kids despite the difficulties,to go against people's insults and jeers, you made me feel appreciated.thank you for sharing with me the secrets of finding ambal,showing me the sawah and tirelessly treated me with kindness.i'll always remember 'ina bukan orang lain pun.makcik dah anggap macam anak sendiri dah'.

thank you awa and kak eda for always being concern and caring.for spending time with me and made me felt less awkward in many difficult moments.although i knew i left you torn apart a few times when i acted inappropriately,you treated me all the same.not to forget,thank you yan for always be there for me and made me felt comfortable, though you barely knew me.it was a miracle that we clicked right away after meeting.

thank you abg razak and kak aisyah for putting so much effort to make me happy.thank you for making me felt more like a sister than an outsider.although i never dreamed of it to become reality (of course i dreamed about it,many times), your faith had kept my spirit high.

thank you friends for forever being concern and supportive.thank you tiqz,najat,anwar,brian,abi,rizzal,syukey,niza,intan,izzat,nisaa for believing in what i did.though words of anger and frustration came out, i knew it was all because you cared.i need you to be my support system in many years to come,during moments of highs and lows.i may do bigger mistakes in future,but i need you to curse at me,to hug me,to cry with me,to laugh out loud with me.special thanks to azim for making me see things on the bright side every time.

i believe a new chapter has begun.

i shall be a better and stronger woman.

i shall fight for what i want.

with the support and faith of the people i appreciate so much,i know things cannot be worse than before.

*believe that everything happens for a reason(s).it's up to us to see it in which angle*