Wish upon God (not star)

I've always had this ideal image of a woman I'd like to be;
- an obedient daughter that wont have the heart to hurt the parents,
- a strong wife that would stand by the husband through thick and thin
(with the image of Wan Azizah staying by Anwar through all the difficult times in my mind),
- a protective and loving mother that is able to care and guide the family in this worldly world.

All in all, I'm saying that I wanna be a good person, as a good person will totally do all of the mentioned.

How to become good?
By becoming closer to God.

Thinking deep, I should be really grateful of what I have and what I'm experiencing now. It's a preparation to achieve all those traits I want. It's a path to eternal bliss. Definitely not straight as ruler, nor smooth as silk. Good things come to those who have faith, those who believe.

It's the road less taken, but it's the road that should be taken.

Pray for me.

*People that change after a certain occasion in their life are not hypocrite, they just need something to hit them bad to wake up. And this is my wake up call (hopefully). InsyaAllah.

senyum

manis bicara,
senyum sentiasa,
bukankah ia sangat luar biasa?

lemah lembut,
tawa tertutup,
tidakkah anda terpaut?

kerna sifat ini bukan mainan sahaja,
kerna sifat ini untuk yang terpilih jua,
maka jangan mencari yang lengkap,
sempurna,
kerna cinta itu bisa menutup segala,
biar cacat cela pada sifat zahirnya,
jangan disama sifat batinnya.

andai itu jadi ukuran,
pastikan ia berlandas pada yang satu.

senyum,
kernanya mesra menguntum.

-pengejarmimpi, 2010-

Soulmate

I love the white seagulls; flying in flocks ready to drop their poo on your face
I love the ducks; walking proudly like full big fat ladies
I love the blooming flowers, that never fail to fascinate every step I take
I love the warmth of the people, always greet with smiles you can never replace

I love them all when I'm with the soulmate that I found
For almost 5 years if you count
I love the green lush that spreads across the ground
But even if this beauty fades without sound
And you're carrying burdens of a million pound
You know I'll be around
For a hundred year to come

Because you are the soulmate that I found.

(Summer trip: 15 December 2010-8 January 2011)

Believe your belief

It has been a while since my last entry. Since then many things had happened; trip to Philippines with the parents (which had been crazy, both good crazy and bad crazy), opening of online bakery shop Little Miss Cook, series of baking classes, an offer to do Masters, joining a new circle of cool friends and so on and on. *Gosh when I listed these down, things were not looking so bad anymore, now I should omit all the complaints I'd thought of earlier before writing this*

To make the story less boring, I was feeling quite low with myself for these past few days until a friend suddenly tagged me in a note entry on FB. Here goes the excerpt (long excerpt I mind you),  from the note which make me thankful with what I have. Love love love to infinity this note!!I've read and re-read this so many times already. Thanks Namie *hugs*

....

"Kita tahu bahawa ilmu itu cahaya, dan tidak akan memasuki hati-hati yang gelap, tetapi kita lihat, kawan kita yang berjudi, yang minum arak, boleh berjaya pula, sedangkan kita terkial-kial walaupun sudah berusaha. Kita tahu bahawa, siapa yang berbuat baik, taat kepada ALLAH akan dipermudahkan jalan kehidupannya, tetapi kita lihat, kawan kita ini tidak solat, tetapi bisnesnya menjadi, kita pula hidup dengan penuh cabaran dan duga. Kita juga tahu bahawa, ISLAM ini agama yang benar, tetapi kita sering melihat orang-orang yang bukan ISLAM itu lebih berjaya, dan ummat ISLAM tertindas dalam kehidupan sempit lagi derita.

Orang bertanya kepada saya. Kenapa begitu? Sekarang ini, yang manakah benar? Adakah kita faham selama ini tidak benar?

Maka saya hendak bertanya kepada anda.

Adakah anda tahu apa itu istidraj?

Istidraj ini adalah satu kalimah, yang sering menunjuk kepada keadaan seseorang itu yang terus dilimpahkan rezeki dan kejayaan yang melimpah ruah dalam kehidupannya, walaupun dia bukan hamba ALLAH yang taat, malah seorang pembuat maksiat yang tegar. Kenapa mereka ini dinamakan manusia yang mendapat istidraj? Apakakah maksud istidraj?

Istidraj adalah, apabila ALLAH memberikan kejayaan, harta kekayaan, rezeki yang melimpah ruah untuk manusia itu menjadi lebih jauh dariNya.

Biasanya, manusia yang mendapat istidraj ini adalah mereka yang tidak berusaha menjalankan ISLAM dalam kehidupan, juga tidak berusaha mengenali ALLAH SWT.

Maka jangan gusar bila tidak berjaya. Cuba lagi. Hubungan keimanan anda dengan ALLAH itulah yang pertama sekali perlu anda perhatikan. Jika anda berjaya membina hubungan keimanan yang baik, insyaALLAH, datanglah badai apa sekalipun, anda akan mampu melaluinya.

Sebenarnya ALLAH suka menguji hamba-hambaNya yang beriman. Terdapat satu kisah yang saya suka baca ketika saya masih kecil.

Terdapat dua orang nelayan. Seorang penyembah berhala, dan seorang lagi muslim yang taat kepada ALLAH. Ketika menebar jala, yang menyembah berhala menyebut nama berhalanya, manakala yang muslim membaca bismillah. Bila jala diangkat, yang menyembah berhala mendapat banyak ikan, manakala yang muslim, hampir sahaja tiada ikan untuknya pada hari itu.

Malaikat yang melihat keadaan itu bertanya kepada ALLAH.

“ Ya ALLAH, apakah yang telah berlaku? HambaMu yang menyekutukanMu, KAU berikan dia rezeki yang banyak, sedangkan hambaMu yang menyebut namaMu, KAU tidak memberikan DIA apa-apa”

ALLAH menjawab,

“ Yang menyekutukanKu, tempatnya memang sudah pasti NERAKA. Maka apalah sangat rezeki yang pasti akan hancur itu jika Kuberikan kepadaNya? Tetapi HambaKu yang beriman itu, AKU hendak mengganjarkanNya syurga, maka AKU suka mengujinya untuk melihat kebenaran imanNya”

Nah, jangan anda kecewa bila diuji, tidak berjaya di dalam peperiksaan walau sudah studi, gagal dalam perniagaan walau kemas menyusun strategi. Itu semua adalah sebahagian dari ujian ALLAH. ALLAH menguji hanya untuk mereka yang dikasihi. Bukankah ALLAH SWT ada berfirman,

“ Apakah kamu mengira KAMI akan membiarkan kamu berkata kami beriman sedangkan kamu belum diuji?…”

Jika gagal terhadap satu-satu perkara, itu perkara itu. Anda masih belum gagal dalam kehidupan. Teruskan usaha, selagi nyawa masih ada. InsyaALLAH ALLAH akan memberikan sesuatu yang bermakna kepada anda. Bersangka baiklah kita kepada PENCIPTA kita.

Maka sebenarnya, bila hidup kita digegarkan dengan masalah, hendaklah kita rasa bersyukur. Tandanya, ALLAH masih lagi dekat dengan kita. Ujian adalah tanda kasih sayang dan perhatianNya kepada kita.

Mustahil anda suka senang sebentar di dunia, di akhirat yang kekal abadi nanti anda merana. Anda mahukan istidraj?

Saya yakin tidak..

Anda tenang sekarang?

Anda wajib untuk tidak berasa tenang jika anda berbuat dosa, dan anda berjaya. Sebab itulah, muhasabah diri itu penting. Untuk kita sentiasa periksa bagaimanakah hubungan kita dengan ALLAH SWT.

Aku berdosa, tetapi aku berjaya…. Berhati-hatilah kita agar jangan sampai lafaz itu, atau lafaz-lafaz yang membawa maksud serupa itu terkeluar dari mulut kita." 

-Copied and pasted from  http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=149008458480594&id=107775115929439&ref=mf

 Whatever it is, efforts are what matter most! At the end of the day, all the hard work will be paid off, either now or HereAfter. 

Just believe your belief.

when the heart sings a song..follow the beat!

Only do what your heart tells you- Princess Diana

If it is worth fighting for, fight for it- Princess Mardiana

if u're happy and u know it...make others happy too!

"We love somebody not because of how they look, or how rich they are.We simply love them because of the happiness we feel when we're with them" - Syed Sadiq's FB shoutout

surround yourself with happy people,then you're a happy person.spread the happiness.

Be happy!

my little cowboy

encik keLUT keLUT shows how to be a true cowboy.

yeeeha!

cow (skin) + (a) boy = cowboy

always love him in this outfit.so cute!

syina sayang keLUT keLUT!

abah

it was around this time last year when it happened.it was around the same time when i last heard abah's voice.

it was last ramadhan.

yesterday,on the way back from nilai to home,we stopped by at iii's house at cheras.when we passed by hukm iii asked 'ingat lagi tak ramadhan tahun lepas?'.of course i remembered,mak remembered too.it was the lowest and darkest moment for us.abah's silence continued to become the evidence of yesteryear episode.

how could i forget seeing abah cried when he tried to explained things but nobody understood.how could i forget the look on his face when he was so confident he heard his own voice when nobody could not.how could i forget the rush of back and forth to hukm to accompany abah,from sunway to cheras and to sunway back using public transports,juggling my time between classes and my love for abah.no less than rm20 spent each day.i could easily let other people do the job,but not with akak being heavily pregnant and iii about to welcome his first child anytime that time.certainly i could not asked mak to stay up late at the hospital as abah would not want to be alone there.how could i forget the times when i had to feed abah using feeding tube attached inside his nose.how could i forget the time when i was so emotionally and physically drained but with no one to turn to,as people closest to me began to drift away.just thinking about it made me shudder.

this ramadhan,things seem better, at least i thought so.abah's silence is broken by his sometimes 'errkk','apapapa' or 'abah',which is a good sign.we continue to accompany abah to have his speech therapy weekly.i pray hard everything will be alright,insyaAllah.

'Ya Allah,pulihkanlah percakapan abah.Sesungguhnya kami sangat merindui suara abah.'

amin.

Ahlan Ya Ramadhan

Program Tautan Budi di Pahang menyuntik kesegaran dalam diri setelah sekian lama tidak diisi dgn makanan spiritual dan rohaniah.Alhamdulillah, diberikan peluang untuk menikmati pengalaman berharga lagi bermakna ini.Sesungguhnya,pengalaman sebegitu tidak akan datang bergolek,melainkan atas kerelaan dan kesanggupan diri sendiri.

Forum Perdana bertajuk 'Ahlan Ramadhan' terasa begitu dekat dengan diri,apatah lagi sekembalinya dari program terus melangkah masuk ke bulan penuh keampunan dan keberkatan ini.Ramadhan,diberikan 1001 ganjaran melebihi bulan-bulan yang lain.

Sabda Rasulullah saw:

"Barangsiapa yang gembira dengan kedatangan Ramadhan,diharamkan api neraka dari menyentuh tubuhnya"

Gembira bukanlah dari segi materialnya,tapi dari dalamannya.Gembira dalam menyambut kedatangannya dan merebut kebaikan yang terhidang di depan mata,yang pastinya tidak setanding dengan 11 bulan yang lain.Diceritakan pahala bagi orang yang berpuasa bak bintang yang berkelipan di langit. Sepanjang Ramadhan ditutupkan pintu neraka dan dibukakan pintu khas di syurga Ar-Rayyan untuk orang berpuasa sahaja dan malam Lailatulqadar dalam 10 malam terakhir (bilangan hb yang ganjil) adalah 1000 kali lebih baik daripada malam-malam lain.

Menarik?

  

Ramadhan itu awalnya adalah rahmat, tengahnya adalah maghfirah (ampunan) dan akhirnya adalah pembebasan dari api neraka.

 Sepanjang Ramadhan,tidak dinafikan kaum Hawa yang paling sibuk menguruskan persiapan berbuka puasa dan bersahur.Penat memang penat.Namun, setiap gerak jari seorang wanita,lebih-lebih lagi seorang ibu,diberikan pahala selagi dia tidak merungut.Betapa tingginya darjat seorang wanita,bahkan sesiapa yang membasuh baju suaminya dinaikkan 1000 darjat,diampunkan 2000 kesalahan dan segala yang terkena pancaran matahari akan mendoakan kesejahteraan wanita itu.

 Puasa adalah benteng kepada orang beriman,juga sebagai kunci kepada ketaatan.Bagaimana?Menahan diri daripada segala yang dilarang melatih diri menegakkan perisai terhadap godaan,sekali gus menunjukkan ketaatan kepada suruhan-Nya.

Jadi apa lagi?

MARI KEJAR PAHALA!

*peringatan untuk diri sendiri juga :)

**sumber dari Forum Perdana PTB 2010

that's it!

the result is out,and i'm freaking out.

this is the matter of life and death.

........

i made it!

haha!

now i'm officially the degree holder of

Bachelor of Science (Biotechnology), 

Monash University.

:D:D:D

.: special thanks to mak abah for the endless doa and unconditional love; 

.: akak,iii and adik for the continuous support; 

.: majied for being the shoulder to lean on, your love and patience are what i prized dearly; 

.: beloved friends that have been through ups and downs throughout this 4 years together-

najat, niza, mayna, rizzal, halim, syukey, wanie, tiqz, brian, peoz, alen, nabel, faten, alep etc, 

your friendships give me strength to achieve this; 

.: everybody that i met along the journey, you certainly give colours to my dull life.

next in line- kerja, kahwin (liking this part.lol)

undefined

it's certainly a weird feeling when the day i've been dreaming and waiting for ages is suddenly a blink of eyes away.

often,i don't realize its arrival.

days like today.

been creating and imagining gazillion times of how today would be.

and how do i feel now?

undefined.

mad for diana :)

out of boredom, i went through i-never-knew-they-exist folders and files in the lappy.the browsing led me to find this word file,a love story that never fail to make me smile *senyum sampai nampak gigi geraham*

..................................................................................

Malam itu, aku mengambil peluang menyiapkan kerja kimia yang dah seminggu tertunggak. Orang cakap, kalau ada masa, jangan disia-siakan. Masa tu berharga. Argh…aku faham kepentingannya. Nafsu…

Telefonku,  Nokia 6610i kuletak di depan. Binaan intelektual, bisikku. Fokusku beralih seketika. Tanganku pantas mengambilnya. Skrinnya tampak kelam tanpa nyalaan  lampunya. Tersenyum ku sendiri. Fikiranku ku biarkan menerjah ke alam fantasi seketika. Bukuku ku biar dimain angin kipas yang berputar malas di paksi normal kepalaku. 

Diana.

Indah. Cukup indah nama itu. Terlintas di kepala, bagaimana kau boleh mengenali tuan empunya nama ini. Diana… Di mana agaknya? Bila? Kugaru kepala yang tidak gatal, mengimbau kembali kisah-kisah yang sudah lama terlipat dalam memoriku. Diana. Mulutku terus mengucap nama itu, seakan-akan sukar untuk kurungkai ikatan kusut otak yang berserabut. Nadiku tanpa rasa penat, terus menerus membekalkan oksigen ke otak. Argh… di mana ya…? 

Kem Bahasa. Mengapa mindaku mengarahkan ke situ? Oh, ya! Di situ, rasanya. Ya, memang di situ. Ku pasti. Tapi, bagaimana? Ku terus membuka satu persatu lipatan-lipatan memori. Kumpulan… Ya! Aku sekumpulan dengan dia dahulu. Patut pun…Hm… Seingat aku, aku tak pernah bercakap dengan insan pemalu ni. Eh.. 

Ada. masa tu kami tengah bincang pasal cerita yang bakal kami persembahkan. ‘mencari tuhan hujan di marikh’. Haha… Tajuknya pun dah pelik. Kesempatan itu aku gunakan untuk berkenalan dengannya dengan lebih dekat. 

Diana. Sememangnya dia budak pemalu. Terasa satu perasaan yang tenang bilamana aku bersua dengannya. Entah. Aku sendiri tidak faham bagaimana keadaannya. Pertama kali memandang, jantungku boleh gugur. Nadi bergetar pantas, peluh jantan memercik membasahi tapak tangan. Ego dan kelakianku benar-benar tercabar. Mataku berusaha melihatnya pada ketika fokusnya tidak pada perbincangan kumpulan. Tenang. Itu yang dapat aku baca dari riak mukanya. Hatiku meronta-ronta ingin menghulurkan salam perkenalan padanya. Tapi, siapalah aku pada pandangannya. 

‘Hang nak cari awek sini ke, Mad?’ soal Robert kepadaku. Kepekatan loghat Kepala Batas jelas dalam tuturkatanya. Masa itu, ahli kumpulanku sibuk berbual-bual tentang cerita yang bakal kami pentaskan. Aku tersenyum. ‘Aku dah agak dah,’ ujarnya sebelum aku mampu menjawab persoalan yang dilemparkannya tadi. Aku terus menguntumkan senyuman. Aku tertawa kecil. 

‘Jangan nak memandai nak buat cerita la Bert,’ jawapku sambil melirik mataku ke arah Diana. ‘Aku datang ke sini untuk belajar,’ balasku ringkas. Robert mencebik bibir, menafikan kenyataanku.

Habih, semalam?

Semalam?

Ya. Semalam. Sewaktu kita mendaki bukit untuk ke rumah api.

Kenapa?

Hihi… Aku lihat hang dan Diana macam rapat je.

Semalam aku jalan dengan kau la.

Ha… Dah pandai berdalih dah hang ni…

Robert tersenyum melihat aku terkial-kial mencari idea. Aku memandangnya sambil tersenyum. Kemudian, kami ketawa, tanpa mempedulikan orang di sekeliling yang memandang kehairanan. 

‘Mad!’ 

Telefonku terlepas dari genggaman. Aku tersentak. Seraya itu, ketawa menyelubungi alam. ‘Sialan kau, Boh,’ sumpahku sambil mengutip telefon. Deria lihatku pantas meneliti keadaan telefonku. Ah, tercalar sedikit di bahagian belakangnya. Boh masih menahan perut, ketawa.

‘Oooh… Dah pandai bermenung sekarang,’ perli Boh, memegang bahuku. Aku yang masih kegeraman akhirnya tersenyum. ‘Ye la… Semalam dapat panggilan dari awek. Memang patut pun tersenyum sendirian. Eh, kau dah siapkan soalan…’ Boh terus bercakap tapi aku terus melayang, melayang menjelajah dunia imaginasi yang tiada penghujungnya. 

Semalam. Ya. Aku merima panggilan dari seorang insan yang aku sendiri tidak terduga. Diana. Panggilan dari Diana. Aku di surau masa itu. Menunaikan kewajipanku sebagai seorang muslim. Tatkala aku duduk sambil memerhatikan suasana surau yang sunyi, telefonku berdering. Terpapar di skrinnya nombor yang tidak kukenali. Nombor talian tetap. 

Tanpa membuang masa, aku menekan punat hijau di hujung pad kekunci telefon. Telingaku menangkap suara seorang perempuan di hujung talian. Cukup jelas. Suara yang aku cukup kenali, suara yang cukup aku rindui. Entah, aku sendiri tidak memahami sebab untuk aku merindui suara itu. Gelombang bunyi yang terhasil dari corong pembesar suara telefon hampir menghentikan denyutan jantungku. Aku seakan keputusan idea untuk memulakan bicara. ‘Hello,’ sapa suara itu lembut. 

Hello

Assalamualaikum

Waalaikumussalam

Mad, ingat lagi tak suara ini?

Soalan itu membuatkanku bisu seribu bahasa. Tidak mungkin. Diana? Ahh.. Aku mesti sedang bermimpi.

Ini Dianalah Mad. Ingat lagi tak?

Aku terdiam. Diana? 

Lima minit aku luangkan berbual dengannya. Aku betul-betul tidak percaya apa yang telah berlaku tadi. 

Sungguh. Namun, tanpa aku sedari, hatiku mula melonjak kegembiraan. Kegirangan tergambar di wajah. Aku sendiri tidak memahami keadaan yang aku sedang alami. Kerinduan mula bercambah selari dengan peredaran masa. Aku mula akui yang aku kembali merindui insan ini. Merindui ketenangan dan keramahannya. 

Memoriku mula berputar ligat, mengembalikan kenanganku bersamanya. Kenangan di Kem Kepimpinan yang aku hadiri tahun lepas. Kenangan kedua aku bersua dengan insan ini. Pertemuan yang tidak dijangka. Namun aku seperti dapat merasai kehadirannya di situ. 

Pandanganku singgah pada seorang insan yang aku cukup kenali. Jaraknya dari tempat aku duduk kukira hanya semeter. Aku tersenyum. Perlahan, dia menoleh ke arahku. Seakan dipanggil. Aku menyimpulkan senyum. Dari kaca mataku, aku dapat melihat dia membalas dengan satu senyuman manis. Aku tertunduk. Malu. Huh… Diana… 

Lima hari di kem seolah-olah tidak mencukupi bagiku menikmati keindahan hiasan dunia ciptaan Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. Lagipun, aku tidak sekumpulan dengannya. Jauh. Jarak kembali memisahkan kami. Argh… Diana. Aku mesti bersua denganmu. 

Tidak banyak yang mampu aku ceritakan kenanganku di kem ini.aku berjauhan dengannya. Cuma satu. Semasa majlis penutupan kami. Ya, kukira, masa inilah yang paling sesuai untukku mencari peluang bertemu dengannya. Aku tidak peduli. Aku akan lakukannya. Pen dari Sarawak itu aku letak di dalam beg. Sempatkah aku memberinya nanti? Apa pandangan orang nanti?Pelbagai persoalan muncul di kotak pemikiranku. 

‘Er, Diana. Nah.’ Seperti orang bodoh, aku menghulurkan pen itu kepadanya. Diana seperti tegamam menyambutnya. Aku terlupa yang aku berada di majlis yang besar. Aku tertunduk lagi. Argh, malunya! 

Dengan pantas, aku melangkah pergi dari tempat aku tepaku. Mukaku merah. Terasa tidak tertanggung malu yang baru sahaja aku tempah. Hatiku berdegup pantas bagaikan ingin terkeluar dari dadaku. Tapi, aku puas. Puas. Aku sudah berjaya betemu dengannya. Bertemu dengan Diana. Biarlah… Biarlah aku malu. Asalkan hajat hatiku kesampaian. Huh… Alhamdulillah. 

‘Mad!’

Aku kenal suara itu. Tak kan..

‘Mad. Terima kasih tau. Aku akan simpan pen ini baik-baik. Nah.’

‘Woi, Mad!!! Aku tanya kau ni…!!!’ 

Boh memandangku dengan muka kemerahan. Marah. ‘Kau dah siap ke buat soalan tadi?’ sambungnya. Aku terpinga-pinga. Rupa-rupanya, aku belum menjawap soalan yang Boh ajukan tadi. Aku memandang ke arah Boh. Bibirku mula mengukir senyuman. Aku tertawa. Boh hanya membatu di sisiku. 

Aku minta maap, Boh. Aku tengah kusyuk tadi.

Argh, macam-macamlah alasan  kau. Cepat, tolong la aku jawab soalan ni.

Ok, ok. Aku tengah mencuba la ni. Macam ni… 

‘BEEP BEEP!!!’ 

Telefon bimbitku menyala, menandakan ada panggilan masuk. Perkataan ‘Diana’ terpapar jelas di skrin telefon. Aku menoleh ke arah  Boh. Sambil menunjukkan isyarat senyap, aku mencapai telefonku lalu berlalu meninggalkan Boh yang tercegat memandangku. Terdiam. Digapainya kerusiku lalu duduk seraya mencebikkan bibirnya. Aku hanya mampu tersenyum. 

‘TEET!!!’

Hello… 

..................................................................................

i pray hard for a happy and blessed life together,for mad and diana.

AMIN.

believe in The Creator, for He creates everything

i started the day with a new resolution; never skip class again for these final days as a student. i'd been neglecting classes for the past 2 weeks, putting aside lectures for the sake of completing assignment. shameful, i know. tapi dah dekat-dekat nak habis ni la baru nak menyesal. typical. lol

mbb class taught by dr. kan mun seng has never been an interesting lecture session to attend. but today's class made me realize that science is not just another boring, headache-inducing, extremely difficult area to learn. it opens our eyes to the world, makes us look at plants and animals with different view, not merely with naked eyes that are easily blinded. it provides opportunity to appreciate and admirer the masterpieces of God.  (i know all these,just that i always live in denial ;p)

today's lecture was related to using evolutionary concept in proteomic analysis of organisms. the theory of evolution always confuses me. is it true that we evolve from monkey? as a muslim i strongly oppose to that.

"Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan kamu dari tanah, kemudian tiba-tiba kamu (menjadi) manusia yang berkembang biak." (30.20, Al-Ruum)

but so-called scientific evidences strongly favours the theory. in MUFY i was fed with the fact that evolution indeed happen, 

"Evolution indeed happen,whether you like it or not,

whether you can accept it or not.

We all have evolved from monkeys" 

but dr. kan strong rejection toward the theory fascinated me, as he believed the concept of ONE creator. just because we have some features similar to monkeys, doesn't mean that we are the descendant of monkeys. from the very obvious feature of bi-pedalism to the minute detail of genetic similarities, these are not enough to put us in any part of monkey historical lineage. they just prove that we're created by the same creator,

whom can simply alter here and there in His every creation. with some similarities with other organisms here and a little bit of difference there.thus making each of existing/extinct creature unique.  his analogy was so simple:

we have a loaf of bread and a jar of biscuit and after series of analysis we found out the bread and biscuits have the same carbon source. should we say the biscuits have evolved from the bread? or once the bread harden it becomes biscuits? the simplest explanation could be they are made by the same baker, whom uses the same flour or sugar. thus resulting in similar/same carbon source. "I can accept the concept of one creator,but evolution?No no no."

well- explained and easy to understand. interesting when what i thought as boring turns out to be mind blowing. in fact everything i've learned, everything in this world leads back to our Creator. for He creates everything.just that im not being critical enough to realize it.

so moral of the story: rajin-rajinlah ke kelas.

bebelan di tengah malam

it is 3.19 in the morning.

it is not the best time to be wide awake, not being able to sleep again.

not with this running nose.

*srott srott!*

yeah,the naughty virus choose this time to attack.

when i'm heavily surrounded with overflowing assignments.

terima kasih virus sbb bagi extra dugaan!

just now i suddenly woke up with the sound of something fallen off my bed.

the first thought i had was 

'ASTAGHFIRULLAH LAPTOP!'

nearly got a heart attack.

like the heart had stopped pumping the blood throughout the whole body.

like the body had became paralyzed.

like my worst nightmare finally came true.

and i was screaming like mad in the midst of darkness.

when the light bulb gave away its brightness,

i was beyond relief when the truth unveiled.

'laa buku ke yg jatuh'

paranoid,i was.

: P

my current sort-of-addiction now is learning nursery rhymes from the kids.

they are just too cute when they try hard to teach me the songs.

even akak knows them.

sbb danish yg ajar.

he's a very brilliant boy,always so eager to share everything he has learned from school.

COMEL COMEL COMEL!

these kids song range just from everything.

from apple to fishing to just whatever they (the creators) can think of.

very creative indeed.

here are some i memorize just by sing along with them.

1,2,3,4,5

once i caught a fish alive

6,7,8,9,10

but i let it go again.

why did u let it go?

cause it bit my finger so.

which finger did it bite?

this little finger on my right.

--------------------------

apple round apple red,

apple juicy apple sweet,

apple apple i like you,

apple sweet i like to eat.

and this song i always fail to memorize since i was a kindy kid myself.

now only at 22 i manage to know the lyrics.

itu pun separuh je.

pathetic,isn't it?

haha.

1,2 buckle my shoe,

3,4 knock the door,

5,6 pick up sticks,

7,8 lay them straight,

9,10 a big fat hen.

i remembered the annoyed face danish had when i kept asking him the lyrics.

'danish,lepas 5,6 apa dia?'

'danish,syina lupa la,tadi apa?'

'danish,nyanyi once again boleh?'

LOL.

enough for now.

need to get my much needed sleep.

it's not easy to get quality sleep nowadays.

not with all the assignments haunting me day by day.

night!

i'm 80% kid,20% adult

it has been 2 weeks since the start of the new semester.

which is the final semester for me.

yup,FINAL as in LAST as in NO MORE AFTER THIS.

how fast time passes.

haihhh.

seriously,these 2weeks feels like 2days for me.

hu ha hu ha with friends,

going back and forth to classes (which are often 15-20minutes later than supposedly),

chitchatting endlessly everyday (in which i love so much ;D ),

sleeping 8hours per day,

yet,leaving the most important part behind:assignments.

life is indeed a heaven right now ;p

but in 10 more weeks,i'll no longer be a student.

how weird that feeling is,

for i've always be a student all my life.

16 years out of my 22 years.

and i'm going to end it in just 10 weeks!

*pingsan*

then life's all work and marriage and kids and more responsibilities :-S

(the marriage part,i dont really mind.haha)

i wish i dont have to grow up.

i still think of myself as abah's little girl.

waiting for him to fetch me up every evening at school,

while eating rojak buah or ice cream with my three bestfriends.

hiding under his table when i insisted to follow him to work.

proudly showing him my report card with 1/40 remark.

i still think of myself as mak's little girl.

the one mak tagged along to office,

making her smile endlessly when i told her friends i got first place in class.

screaming my lungs out at her when i got my first pierce.

i still think of myself as a little girl.

who starts to be a bookworm by reading doraemon at the age of 5.

who still thinks life is a fairytale,

and one day my prince charming will fight off a dragon to save me.

who has to be caned for not wanting to go to school because that day is mengaji day.

who plays ice cream soda pepsi cola under the tree beside the giant tong sampah.

who stinks badly after a whole day at school 

(which i think all school kids are,so shouldnt exclude myself ;p)

when i was 2 i think

think and think,
i can still be a kid at heart,at least.

(can i be like peter pan,please please please?)

*dear green alien,i love it when i can be a little girl to u.sorry if i annoy u much.hehe..

it's perhentian time babe!

wuhuuu!

and tonight i'm going to perhentian island!

 

cantik! ;)

to be honest,i've no money to spend on this trip.

unless i 'korek' february's saving,

which is a heartbreaking thing to do.

nampaknya,my target to save up 4k before the start of the new semester is doomed.

:(

but then,

i remembered the gloomy days i had months back.

i relied on these guys to cheer me up,

to make me laugh through my tears,

to make me happy despite the heartache.

so what is money compared to their support when i need it most?

so after millions of pujuk rayu,

i gave in.

although i really hope more will join us tonight.

perhentian,here we come!

p/s- hey kalau aku takde duit bukak sem ni,korang kena support financially ok?

bukan morally jek tau!

it's unfair,but..

i know it is a bit unfair to ask someone too much, especially when that person is not blood-related.

i even cannot ask so many things from my own mak, asking to do this and to do that.

though most of the times she'll just give in.

but sometimes it can be too much.

i bloody know it is unfair.

but..

i just want people to do something for me.

because they care for me.

because they love me.

because they don't wanna hurt my feelings.

because they want to do it,

not because i ask for it.

is that too much to ask?

because i'm willing to do that for the people i love.

* i hope everything is worth the effort,because i really hope for it*

the fabulous four!

i've to admit,during schooldays i was a bit annoyed when my friends started to be over-loving and over-caring and acted overly-cute when they met little kids eg. anak cikgu or our friend's little bro or sis.

i mean,come on,biasa-biasa je sudah.

so not wanting to be left out of this children-lovers circle, i pretended to like kids as well.

ye la,tak nak la kena cop cold-hearted pulak.

in other words,i was the one being fake at that time.

hehe..

but then, it was back then when there was no one to cuddle in the family.

it was magical how the presence of a tiny new family member could melt my heart.

now i'm a proud aunty to the FABULOUS FOUR.

and i love kids soo much now!

\^o^/ 

*for real,of course.lol..*

have i mentioned i'm a proud Syina to the FABULOUS FOUR?;p

i think i'll forever be Syina to them.

Syina=Cik Ina.

 cool,isn't it?
how many of the aunties out there got to be called Syina?
haha

so here,MR FABULOUS #1
Danish aka NanoNano

 

he's so naughty that i always feel like 'babab'ing him.

but he's so charming at times and a total genius too.

tidak dilupakan pandai membodek juga.

terutama masa mintak presents.lol

MISS FABULOUS #2

Aleesa aka Si Kledek

i don't know where the name Kledek comes from.

must be when she first tried to walk.

terkedek-kedek.

hihi

she's always a sweetie.

soothes the headache caused by danish.

MISS FABULOUS #3

Safiyyah aka Si Muka Pau

 

see the cheeks,so pau-lookalike!
the only princess of cik iii.
and dressed like a princess too!

lastly,MR FABULOUS #4
Lutfi aka Lupidoopedoo

 

the littlest of the family.

and most special too.

always being bullied by the big bro danish and big sis aleesa.

at one time aleesa even put a balloon on his mouth and told him

'lutfi,tiupkan belon utk eisya.please please please???'

LOL

perangai pelik-pelik pun,syina sayang korang semua!
sayang syina in return tau?
muahh!

can u get any cuter?

last saturday akak and the family went home and i was ecstatic to meet the three supercute kiddos.

they are so cute that u cant get enough of them.

here goes one of their (danish sebenarnya) weird but cute cute cute conversation:

danish: eyyyy syina!ada cicak la.ada two cicak!

syina: ohhh ye la ada two cicak.big kan cicak tu?

danish:haah big!yg big tu ayah cicak, yg tu pulak ibu cicak.eh ehhh syina,ade one more la!ada danish cicak la!*grinning excitedly*

syina: waa danish cicak pun ade!tp...iesya cicak xde pun.dia pergi mana?

danish: eisya cicak dgn lutfi cicak ade kat rumah dia..dia tgh tgk tv,cite ben 10..*saying this as a matter of fact*

hahahahaha brilliant!so cute!

i wish my kids are much much cuter and much much genius ;p 

syina loves u guys so much!

it's all worth it

life holds so many secrets we always desire or dread to know.sometimes the secrets are revealed right in front of us, though at no time we wish for them.sometimes the secrets are long kept that they become mysteries to us.but,life is indeed a mystery.it is fascinating to unveil the unknowns one by one.it is also terrifying.i've learnt, however hard you try to break open a secret, no matter how much force you put on it,if it's not meant to reveal itself, it shall not then.why?it's all the matter of time.we're ruled by Allah, we are.whenever Allah deems appropriate, He shall show it to us.as simple as that.so,patience is the key.

have you ever had a very strong desire to do something,and everybody around you are totally against it?

you want to do it so badly,hoping that doing so will not leave you feeling regret in future?

you want it because you feel it is the right thing to do, though people keep saying you're being stupid?

you don't care for the consequences,be it happy of sad, at least you actually know how the ending is?

when you do not do it,you don't know what twists and turns life will give you.you may get good twist.you may also get deadly twist.depends on what Allah has prepared for us.whatever it is,just do it,you never know what awaits ahead.

the recent trip took unexpected turns.never once in my mind i dared to think of what i'd gone through then.to gamble my heart,pride and safety for what i deemed right sort of paid off.the people were extremely nice,i couldn't ask for better people to be with.the feelings were mixed,but to have them around lightened the gloomy days.

thank you makcik and pakcik for having me in the house.to share with me how you raised six successful kids despite the difficulties,to go against people's insults and jeers, you made me feel appreciated.thank you for sharing with me the secrets of finding ambal,showing me the sawah and tirelessly treated me with kindness.i'll always remember 'ina bukan orang lain pun.makcik dah anggap macam anak sendiri dah'.

thank you awa and kak eda for always being concern and caring.for spending time with me and made me felt less awkward in many difficult moments.although i knew i left you torn apart a few times when i acted inappropriately,you treated me all the same.not to forget,thank you yan for always be there for me and made me felt comfortable, though you barely knew me.it was a miracle that we clicked right away after meeting.

thank you abg razak and kak aisyah for putting so much effort to make me happy.thank you for making me felt more like a sister than an outsider.although i never dreamed of it to become reality (of course i dreamed about it,many times), your faith had kept my spirit high.

thank you friends for forever being concern and supportive.thank you tiqz,najat,anwar,brian,abi,rizzal,syukey,niza,intan,izzat,nisaa for believing in what i did.though words of anger and frustration came out, i knew it was all because you cared.i need you to be my support system in many years to come,during moments of highs and lows.i may do bigger mistakes in future,but i need you to curse at me,to hug me,to cry with me,to laugh out loud with me.special thanks to azim for making me see things on the bright side every time.

i believe a new chapter has begun.

i shall be a better and stronger woman.

i shall fight for what i want.

with the support and faith of the people i appreciate so much,i know things cannot be worse than before.

*believe that everything happens for a reason(s).it's up to us to see it in which angle*